I figured that since I posted a link that was anti-BPD, I should talk about what it's like to be some one who has BPD, and has to struggle with it. BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. There are many forms and "symptoms" of it, but in common, each BPD case is struggling with daily life, and suffering internally...trying to keep from affecting those around them, not succeeding.
A person with borderline had once written: "Being a borderline feels like eternal hell. Nothing less. Pain, anger, confusion, hurt, never knowing how I'm gonna feel from one minute to the next. Hurting because I hurt the ones I love. Feeling misunderstood. Analyzing everything. Nothing gives pleasure. Once in a great while I will get 'too happy' and then anxious because of that. Then I self medicate with alcohol. Then I physically hurt myself. Then I feel guilty because of that. Shame. Wanting to die but not being able to kill myself because I'f feel too much guilt for those I'd hurt, then feeling angry about that so I cut myself or O.D. to make all the feelings go away..."
Each of us with BDP have different vises. For the above one, it was alcohol, some go into drugs, some are compulsive spenders, gamblers, reckless driving, binge eating, among other things. We deal with at least two or more of these vises, and are self damaging. Thankfully, due to the Obsessive Compulsive nature I also carry, I have not gotten into the drugs or alcohol, but the ones I do deal with have affected my life, and much ot my regret, the lives of some of those around me.
Those suffeing with BPD have other mental illnesses to deal with as well. There's never just BPD, there's always accompanying problems. For me, it's Obsessive Conmpulsive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress, Severe Chronic Depression, Panic/anxiety Disorders, and other mood disorders.
BPDs make up 2% of the general population, 10% of all mental health outpatients, 20% of psychiatric inpatients, 75% of us are women, and 75% of us have been physically or sexually abused.
there are many aspects of BPD, and they will be discussed as I go on blogging at different times. I have noticed that there are many misconceptions of BPD sufferers out there, and if I can get out some information that may help, I hope I can do my part to bring some understanding not only to those around a BPD, but to those who may have it themselves.
As horrible as it may sound, there is hope. BPD can lessed with age. Many of us can go on to live well rounded lives, enter in loving releationships, be effective, positive members of society. There is also help. I have been getting help for the past year and a half.
I hope I can shed some light as I continue blogging the subject in later posts. If there are any questions, you can feel free to ask me anything. I will always answer the best I can. Nothing is considered too personal to answer when it comes to dealing with any mental illness, since I see any question as seeking information.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Perspectively Speaking
They say that each person has three different personas. The one they show to people, the one the people perceive them to be, and the one they keep for themselves.
Isn't it interesting that there are different perspectives to see who it is you really are? You are a combination of each different view. How much of ourselves do we really know? We all hink that we know ourselves, but are our perceptions correct?
I have been asking myself these questions a lot lately. I never feel as though I know exactly what I seem to be. Identity crisis? Perhaps, though I am not actively seeking out who I am through trying out different personas. I've never truly formed an opinion of myself, just what I hope to be, not just perceived by others, but what I want to be as a person.
Any survey done on perspectives of one's own self, and the one that others see them in always comes up with quite interesting results. Each person, as previousl stated, has a part they show the world, and the inner them. Half the time, the difference between the inner and outer self is different only by the degree people show themselves. The other half of the time, they are quite different. If someone isn't comfortable with how they feel or think of themselves,they may decide to create a better, improved self to show.
When you go and ask those who spend time with that person, the public often hav a much different thought on how the person truly is. Many times, I wonder what I show, or seem to be showing myself as. Many people do.
I had a friend back in high school. We rode the bus together. To everyone, she was sweet, innocent, and carefree. It wasn't until a decade later, that she expressed to me the perseption she had of herself. I was shocked at how she saw herself! It was so different from what everyone else saw her as! She believed herself to be so much lower than she was! Eventhough she was well liked, and considered to be so positive and sweet, she saw herself as a castout. She confided in me that she had felt such depression, not the cheerful person we knew her to be.
I was also amazed as to how she described me to be as well. She had a higher opinion of me than I had of myself. But, would she still have that opinion of me, if she knew me today? As we all know, we are always changing.
I started thinking and wondering about such things after I was diagnosed with BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder. I decided to research it, and the website I found on how we appear to otheres terrified me as to how I may be affecting those in my life, and mad me wonder what it is I may be subjecting those I love to, and if I should put myself back out into the public world and try to make friends before my "learning to deal with life" classes are over. For the curious, here is the website.
http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/indicators.shtml
Isn't it interesting that there are different perspectives to see who it is you really are? You are a combination of each different view. How much of ourselves do we really know? We all hink that we know ourselves, but are our perceptions correct?
I have been asking myself these questions a lot lately. I never feel as though I know exactly what I seem to be. Identity crisis? Perhaps, though I am not actively seeking out who I am through trying out different personas. I've never truly formed an opinion of myself, just what I hope to be, not just perceived by others, but what I want to be as a person.
Any survey done on perspectives of one's own self, and the one that others see them in always comes up with quite interesting results. Each person, as previousl stated, has a part they show the world, and the inner them. Half the time, the difference between the inner and outer self is different only by the degree people show themselves. The other half of the time, they are quite different. If someone isn't comfortable with how they feel or think of themselves,they may decide to create a better, improved self to show.
When you go and ask those who spend time with that person, the public often hav a much different thought on how the person truly is. Many times, I wonder what I show, or seem to be showing myself as. Many people do.
I had a friend back in high school. We rode the bus together. To everyone, she was sweet, innocent, and carefree. It wasn't until a decade later, that she expressed to me the perseption she had of herself. I was shocked at how she saw herself! It was so different from what everyone else saw her as! She believed herself to be so much lower than she was! Eventhough she was well liked, and considered to be so positive and sweet, she saw herself as a castout. She confided in me that she had felt such depression, not the cheerful person we knew her to be.
I was also amazed as to how she described me to be as well. She had a higher opinion of me than I had of myself. But, would she still have that opinion of me, if she knew me today? As we all know, we are always changing.
I started thinking and wondering about such things after I was diagnosed with BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder. I decided to research it, and the website I found on how we appear to otheres terrified me as to how I may be affecting those in my life, and mad me wonder what it is I may be subjecting those I love to, and if I should put myself back out into the public world and try to make friends before my "learning to deal with life" classes are over. For the curious, here is the website.
http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/indicators.shtml
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